Medications Suck!

  Nothing is worse than taking a medication for several weeks or months, and then realizing it doesn't work.

  It's not so bad for migraines--if in a week I don't notice a difference in my pain, there's a high probability that it didn't work. However, bipolar medications aren't like that. Bipolar medications are very all-or-none. If you take them, you won't know they're working unless you don't have a bipolar episode. As some people can go months or years without experiencing an episode, they have no idea if their medications are working or not, until they have an episode. At that point they realize that nope, it wasn't working.

  In my case, I seem to have an episode every couple of weeks. In fact, I'm in the middle of one right now. Insomnia, impulsive behavior (I haven't done anything worse than my 2 am shopping sprees, luckily), and too much energy are only a few of the things that I'm dealing with right now. It's unfortunate that that means my medications aren't working. I upped the dose on my lamictal--a mood stabilizer--and added abilify to the list--another mood stabilizer with sedative properties to try and help me sleep. The good news is, I'm getting 4-5 hours instead of 2-3, and I can even take naps during the day, which can bring me up to 6-7 hours.

  The bad news is, my balance has been shot all to hell. I'm dealing with vertigo, and my decision making skills are poor. My reflexes are slowed. I keep getting distracted--ooh, shiny!--and I'm pretty oblivious. For example, I opened the door to get the newspaper. Velvet, one of my cats, was waiting outside to come in. I walked Velvet through the kitchen to the hallway. The cats were clustered in the hallway, asking for food. I fed them. Then I walked out to the kitchen to get some water, and started some coffee instead. It was as I was prepping the coffee that I happened to look towards the front door and realized that I'd left it open and hadn't gotten the newspaper. I brought in the newspaper, and remembered the water. Back into the kitchen, only to be distracted by the coffee again. I never did get my water.

  This doesn't even count the time that I left the keys in the lock when entering the house. A day later, I locked the front door and completely failed to notice the keys hanging from the bottom lock. It was my family member--who I was going to drive to her flush appointment--who noticed and pointed them out. Oops.

  I don't know if it's the new medication (abilify), if it's the increase of lamictal, or if it's a combination of the two. Whatever it is, I'll be calling my psychiatrist as soon as possible. I can't continue like this.